I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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