I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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