so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
