So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sorry about my life...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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