I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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