3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
