my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
