did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
