At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
