i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
