Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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