i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
