Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
