I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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