The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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