he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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