Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My ass is underappreciated
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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