I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my shit smells like andre
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
