He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
