Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
