i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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