I think I am morally bankrupt
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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