Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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