thus making me awesome and them whores
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
