So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
