hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
