He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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