There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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