Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
