You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
