I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
