So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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