opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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