Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
