This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
