You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
