Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
