So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
