Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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