i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
