Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
