I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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