just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
