I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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