covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
