Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
