I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
