I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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