How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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