it hurts more in the daytime
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
