dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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