Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
